Joy Express Read online

  “There’s a family waiting room through that door.” She pointed down the hall. “It’s empty if you’d like to use it.”

  “Thank you, yes,” I said, and motioned Mrs. Gilbert ahead of me.

  “Please let me know if she wakes up,” Mrs. Gilbert said to the nurse.

  We walked into the waiting room and took a seat.

  “Please, call me Scott, Mrs. Gilbert.”

  “And call me Susan.” She stifled a yawn.

  “I won’t keep you. What can you tell me about what will happen to Brenna? I understand she might never leave the hospital, but if she did, where would she go?”

  “With no living family members, she will become a ward of the State of Texas.”

  “So there’s no chance of finding her mother?”

  “I’m afraid her mother has passed away, several years ago. At least that’s what her paperwork shows.”

  “My wife is her half-sister. Bailey didn’t know a thing about her. She’s in no shape to be her caretaker, but I know if she were, um, well, she’d want to take care of her.”

  “Well, she could file for custody. I hate to mention it, but that would mean her body would be released to your wife. I like to think of her having a family arrange her final plans.”

  Right, the thing that would put Bailey down for sure. “If she did rally, and was released from the hospital, she’d go into foster care?”

  “It would be a special case, because most foster homes aren’t equipped to care for someone as sick as she is. More likely some long-term care facility, like a nursing home. I’ve already been checking what’s available.”

  Our future lined up before my eyes. The idea of Brenna being shifted from hospital to places unknown and back would not sit well with Bailey. The child’s death would heap guilt and regret on my wife.

  “You should know one thing, Mr. West. For good or bad, Brenna knows about her sister. I should say, I don’t know if she knows your wife is her sister, but Brenna said her grandmother told her about a beautiful angel with long brown hair, and brown eyes.”

  Lana Brown must have lost her mind. Why would she tell Brenna about Bailey? “I don’t understand.”

  Susan Gilbert walked to the coffee machine and poured coffee into two cups. “How do you take it?”

  “Black, please. Thanks.”

  She handed me a cup and then sat down again.

  “I don’t know what was going through her grandmother’s mind, but...” She took a sip of her coffee and then looked at me. “She told Brenna the angel would rescue her.”

  14

  I woke up to the sound of crying babies. Oh, yes, give them to me, please. I opened my eyes and remembered that I was in the hospital, but couldn’t remember why.

  If the colors of baby blankets were correct, Toppy held Helen, and gently swayed her back and forth. Mom had Paul.

  “I should feed them,” I said, reaching out my hands.

  “Oh, honey, you’re awake. We thought you might want to, so here we are,” Mom said. She brought Paul to me and helped him latch on. He looked like a little blue football along my right arm. Mom went for Helen, and then Toppy left the room.

  I appreciated that, because modesty took a back seat to nursing two at once.

  They both latched on and my arms were full.

  Mom fluffed the pillows behind my head and I lay back.

  “I was afraid they’d not nurse after being given formula,” I said, looking from one sweet baby to the other.

  “Answered prayer for sure. They missed you, but they’ve been fine.”

  “I did go home, right? What happened?”

  “You were anemic, and your blood pressure went sky high. You passed out. David’s run tests, and he’s sure there’s no blood clot, which can happen after childbirth. You’ll be fine.” Her expression didn’t match her words.

  “You look worried. Are the babies all right?” They looked perfectly wonderful to me.

  “They’re fine, doing well. I’m a nurse, I know these things,” she said, forcing a little laugh.

  “If you say so. The surgery must have been difficult. I can’t seem to remember anything past the morning of the Dedication. I guess going into labor caused that to be postponed?”

  “Yes, we’ll have the ceremony as soon as you feel like it.”

  Seemed as if she left something out. I couldn’t imagine being ready to go anywhere or do anything for quite some time. So much to do to take care of the children. My mother reached for my hand.

  “You are doing great, look at them both nursing away,” she said.

  “I feel terrible that I left them. I didn’t mean to. I just don’t remember anything.”

  “Don’t try, just concentrate on getting stronger.”

  “Where’s Scott?”

  “Oh, he’s visiting with David. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. He can’t stand to be away from you and the twinsies for very long at all.”

  “I guess I scared him to death.” I squinted my itching nose, but wouldn’t have disturbed those nursing babies for anything.

  Helen fell asleep. The contented peace on her little face made me smile.

  Mom pulled her off and swaddled her blanket around her. She laid her in the little bassinet by my bed. Paul nursed on. I scratched my nose with my free hand.

  “Hungry?” Mom asked.

  “No, but very thirsty. I could use some water.”

  “I’ll get you some fresh ice water and be back in a jiffy.” She left the room.

  Paul pulled off and whimpered a bit. He must need a diaper change. I realized I hadn’t done that by myself since they were born. A little stack of diapers and wipes sat on the rolling table and I was able to reach it and pull it over. I sat up, lay Paul between my knees and started to change him. I wondered what it would be like to have them both crying and needing changing at once. I couldn’t wait to get them back home and experience the challenge.

  He fell asleep as soon as I changed him and folded him into his little blue blanket. I’d crocheted this one and Helen’s as well. I couldn’t wait to add a blue row and then a pink one to the blanket I’d made for Scott’s wedding present. Such a hodge-podge of colors that represented our life together.

  Why did I see a black row of yarn in my mind? An uncomfortable feeling came over me. What was I missing? Why couldn’t I remember?

  Mom came back with the water and ice. She spooned a little into my mouth.

  “Thanks, Mom. That’s nice.”

  “Aw, he’s asleep too. Let’s put him in his bassinet with his sister. Give you a little break.” Mom picked Paul up and nestled him next to Helen.

  “Seems I’ve had enough of a break. I don’t know what happened, but I really hate that I left them. Doesn’t bode well for the maternal thing, does it?”

  “Sweetie, it doesn’t mean a thing. You’ve been through an unspeakable ordeal, and maybe we shouldn’t have released you yet. You’ll be fine, and you are making a fabulous mother.” Mom stroked my forehead.

  “The birth was that traumatic?” How could I not remember? Of course I was sedated.

  “Well, an unexpected c-section is traumatic,” she said. “You don’t remember anything else?” Her worried gaze troubled me.

  “I was sitting on the porch about to get ready for the ceremony. I remember I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions. I suppose they must have been real. I guess Scott picked me up for the Barkley House dedication, but we came to the hospital instead.” The recesses of my brain gave me no more information.

  Mom cleared her throat and smoothed my hair behind my ears. Something wasn’t right. Why wouldn’t she tell me? Why did this unfamiliar name float around in my brain?

  “Mom, who is Brenna?”

  She left the room without a word.

  15

  “I don’t understand. Hearing that Lana Brown died is what sent her into a downward spiral. I mean she was already vulnerable. Maybe because she was faced with being the child’s only living relat
ive?” I scratched my head.

  “Hard to tell, Scott. It would be best if she could remember on her own, with her loved ones around her. I know you’ll sleep in her room with her, and Gwen will be on call. Let’s give her another night’s sleep and see how she is in the morning before we fill in the blanks for her.” David tapped his pen on his desk.

  Would Bailey come out of this memory loss? If we told her would she come unglued again? Did I have enough faith to carry us both until she found her right mind? Get a grip, Scott.

  “Scott, you look kind of panicked. There’s no reason to entertain a bad outcome. She’s been given a load she can’t carry in her vulnerable state. It will take a little time, but I think she’ll be all right.” David slid his pen into his scrub coat pocket. He got up and put his hand on my shoulder.

  “I thought we weren’t given more than we could bear. Isn’t that what the scriptures say?” Bailey’s vulnerable state, and having two children to care for, ramped up my protective nature. But I sensed the foundation cracking.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have put it that way. The two of you are one now, and you will have to carry the weight of this, and we are all here for you. You aren’t alone, my friend.” He squeezed my shoulder.

  “David, why does bad stuff keep happening to us? No one deserves happiness more than Bailey. Even I hurt her those months before we married. It’s just too much.”

  “I’m no preacher, Scott. We need Pastor Jack in here to tell us the answers. It’s a corrupt world we live in, and there’s no chance we’ll escape being affected by it.”

  True. Fatigue crept all over me.

  “What is it Pastor Jack says? We can either go from problem to problem, or from glory to glory. All depends on our perspective and whether we look for the blessings or not. Maybe it’s time we counted our blessings. She’s alive, Scott. And so are the babies. We can deal with the rest.”

  His words clicked sane, but my heart couldn’t quite grasp it. Either way, I had a wife and two children to take care of. Time to get my act together.

  “Thanks, David. I’ll go to her room now. Do you think a grief counselor would help? I know one helped me, once I finally let y’all talk me into it.” I stood to leave.

  “I’ve already called someone. I think she needs to process all this with the help of a professional. Dr. Hanover is aware and will see Bailey here in the hospital if you’re agreeable.”

  “Of course, I’d feel good about her talking all this over with someone who can help her process it.” I began to feel less alone, and more hopeful.

  “Good. For tonight, though, just try to have a pleasant evening with Bailey. If she remembers what happened, just hold her tight. Try to let her remember on her own.”

  “Will do, thanks, Doc,” I said. Bailey had never yet talked about the details. No one knew what had happened in that cabin. Kevin Brown took her out there, asked for money, broke the news about Brenna, and then shot himself.

  I found her asleep. Her long eyelashes laced across pale cheeks. Her hair needed washing, something she’d been complaining about. Her nurse mentioned a dry shampoo product, but hadn’t brought it yet. I decided to get it. When she woke up I’d take care of her hair for her. Maybe that would please her, relax her. “I’ll be right back,” I whispered. I decided to grab a quick sandwich in the cafeteria, then come back up and get the shampoo.

  Count my blessings. Bailey was alive. Paul and Helen were alive. Bailey’s mom and Uncle Toppy were taking care of them. My friends were keeping my businesses going.

  Bailey was alive.

  Gratitude hit me like water rushing from the hoses at the washout and I had to lean against the wall. I could have lost all three of them. I closed my eyes and forced normal breaths.

  You’ll get past this, trust Me.

  I hear you, Lord.

  God had been faithful, and I wept my thanks in an empty hallway. I didn’t want Bailey to wake up alone, but I needed a minute. I made my way to the cafeteria and bought a sandwich. Temptation to buy a soda reared its ugly head, but I squashed it. Not eating sugar had been a great boost to my health, and I kept healthy, not just for me, but for my family. I grabbed a water bottle and then sat down to eat.

  My posse kept things going. There was a time when I was intimidated by that. I was grateful I’d learned to accept help. “From glory to glory” kept going around in my mind. It occurred to me that it was selfish to think that things kept happening to us. Things happen to everyone.

  I ducked into the bathroom to freshen up before heading back to Bailey’s room. Maybe the nurse’s station could give me a little hospitality packet. I asked for the packet and the shampoo and received them. I tiptoed into Bailey’s room. She was still asleep. But a few steps in revealed that I was not alone.

  A wisp of a child in a hospital gown, and connected to an IV pole, sat in the chair. Her long brown hair, just like her sister’s, covered her shoulders. Saucer eyes, nestled in the whitest face I’d ever seen, turned to me.

  “My granny said an angel with hair and eyes just like mine would save me. Is this her?”

  16

  I had to get her out of the room before Bailey woke up. Still, the frail little thing in the chair looked as though she needed saving. Were those dark circles under her eyes from her illness or from crying over her granny’s death? I squatted down to face her at eye level. “Hi, sweetie. Let’s get you back to your room. My wife isn’t up for company right now.” I reached for her hand.

  “Is she sick, like me?”

  “No, she’s just had two babies, and it’s worn her out. She just needs her rest. I’ll walk you back to your room.” I made another effort to gently nudge her out of the chair.

  “Couldn’t I stay just a few more minutes? It’s so boring and lonely up there.” Her brown eyes, which were very much like Bailey’s, brimmed over.

  “Of course she can stay, Scott.” Bailey sat up in bed, straightened her covers and then tried to straighten her hair. “And who might our little guest be?”

  I could not let that child say her name. “She just wandered in here and was about to leave. You need your rest, sweetheart.” I tried to help the child stand, but she held on to the arms of the chair.

  “I’m Brenna Brown. Will you save me?”

  “Brenna?” Bailey whispered. Her eyes began to widen and all the color drained from her face. She put her face in her hands and began to shake.

  I didn’t know what to do so I pushed the call button.

  “Yes, ma’am?” The nurse answered.

  “Could you send someone in here right away?” I tried to sound calm, but I was dangerously close to losing it.

  A nurse walked in a few seconds later.

  “Could you get this little one back to her room? And call Dr. Harkin right away. Or the counselor he has arranged to meet with Bailey. She’s remembering.” I helped Brenna stand up.

  The nurse grasped the IV pole and lead the child to the door.

  Brenna looked over her shoulder, eyes squinted in question.

  I scooted onto the bed and put both my arms around Bailey.

  Her body shook, but she’d gone oddly silent.

  “Are you all right?” I held her as close as possible.

  “Where are the babies?”

  “Your mom and Toppy have them. They are perfectly fine.” I brushed away her tears.

  “I want to go home.”

  “Of course. We’ll do just that. Let’s just get you feeling well.”

  She nuzzled her sweet head into my neck. “How will I ever forget that gunshot? When I looked at her, I heard it again. It’s so sick and sad.”

  “I know.” I wanted to rage at Kevin Brown, but my love didn’t need that right now. We sat in silence.

  David walked in, accompanied by a tall, thin woman. Her dark brown hair looked as if she’d just gotten out of bed, which she probably had. It was the middle of the night.

  “Bailey, this is Michele Hanover. I hope you wouldn’t mind talki
ng to her for a few minutes.” He picked up Bailey’s hand and took her pulse. “Let me just check you out for a second.” He pulled the blood pressure cuff from the wall behind the bed, and wrapped it around her arm.

  Michele sat on the end of the bed. Her caring brown eyes comforted me, and I hoped she’d do the same for Bailey.

  David finished. “A little high, but that’s to be expected. She’s fine,” he said. “Scott, let’s get a cup of coffee.”

  “I’d rather stay, if you don’t mind.”

  “She’ll be fine with Michele. Trust me.” He spoke with a calm tone, but his look demanded I leave the room with him. I didn’t care.

  “It’s all right, Scott,” Bailey whispered. She pulled away, straightened the covers, and primped her hair into place.

  I kissed her forehead and stood.

  Michele scooted closer and reached for her hands.

  Bailey started to cry.

  I appealed to David with a look, but he put his hand on my shoulder and nudged me off the bed. I hoped he knew what he was doing. I followed him to the door, but looked back.

  Michele still held Bailey’s hands as she cried.

  “She’s gifted, Scott, don’t worry,” David said as he closed the door.

  “Why would she talk to a perfect stranger, and not to me?” Had I let Bailey down?

  “She might have some very nasty feelings she’s ashamed for anyone to know. But those things have to come out, and it might feel safer to relay them to a counselor. Michele is a woman of faith, and can help Bailey on that level as well.”

  Although there was nothing that Bailey could say that would change my feelings for her, I remembered how hard it was for me to tell her how I felt after my parents died. It was stupid man pride, fear, and inadequacy. Bailey fought rejection and abandonment. Add kidnapping and suicide to that, and what a stinkin’ mess.

  “How ‘bout that coffee?” David headed down the hall.

  My heart was in Bailey’s room, but I went. I sat in the cafeteria long after my coffee went cold, and David went to pick up Melissa from the airport. He’d prayed for me, for Bailey, and for everything, including Brenna. It wouldn’t be an easy fix, but I knew who held our future. Once again, I leaned on Father God.