Joy Express Page 9
I had to focus on what a wonderful year we’d had. We’d grown so close, and now she needed me and I didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t the plan. We’d talked about being together for the delivery, how wonderful it would be, if uncomfortable for her. We’d dreamed of bringing the babies home and learning to care for them. This Texas-sized rift in our lives shook us both to the core. Maybe I needed to talk to Michele too, or maybe Pastor Jack. I had to trust God, because I was completely empty of answers.
Maybe that was the best place to be.
17
I talked to Michele every day for a week as my blood pressure stabilized. The anemia took some doing as well, but I began to feel better. At least, physically. I dreamed about the gunshot every night. Guilt muddied the waters as well.
Twice a day my wonderful mom and Toppy brought my babies in so I could nurse them. I feared they’d prefer the formula they were given to supplement.
Scott haunted the place. It was the first time I’d ever seen him completely forget about work. He had grown to be able to let others do their job without his constant oversight.
I enjoyed our time together every day, but the nightmare came no matter what kind of day I’d had. Scott would be by my side when I would wake up in a cold sweat, shaking. He didn’t pressure me to talk about it, and I was glad. I’d insisted he go home this morning to take a shower and get a good breakfast at the diner. I hoped when he showed up later that it would be to take me home.
Michele said that I needed to get where I could talk to my family about what happened, and the horror of it would wane. The telling, and the passing of time. She didn’t make any promises. “It’s a process,” she’d say.
I wasn’t sure why Brenna didn’t come back to see me, but I felt sure my door had been diligently guarded. I still couldn’t deal with her. I put it in a little mental box and stored it at the back of my head somewhere.
I’d asked Mom and Toppy to bring me some clothes. I wanted to go home so badly, and I thought perhaps today might be the day. I’d showered and washed my hair in preparation for good news.
“Here we are,” Mom said as she walked into my room. She had Helen in her arms, dolled up to the nines in a pink bow the size of her head. Toppy followed suit with Paul wearing the tiniest team cap I’d ever seen. Both babies were asleep.
I held out my arms. I’d been aching to hold them.
“Want to get dressed first?” Mom held up my overnight bag.
“Oh, let me snuggle them for just a few minutes.”
Mom snuggled Helen into my right side, and Toppy went around the other side of the bed and did the same with Paul on my left. They smelled so sweet. I realized I’d missed the chance to give them their first bath. I sniffed back tears. It wasn’t Mom’s fault. Those babies had to be bathed.
I knew they were getting enough nourishment from the formula. How could they sleep so soundly otherwise? If I didn’t get on a regular routine with them soon, nursing wouldn’t happen. Please let me go home today. I couldn’t let what happened rob me of this.
David came in and his face lit up. “Oh, I haven’t seen them for a few days. They look wonderful! May I hold one?”
I nodded and he lifted Helen from the bed. He held her close and rocked her gently.
“There’s some of those in your future, if you’d just pop the question,” I said.
He just smiled and gave me a wicked wink.
“You’ve asked her, haven’t you? I knew it.”
“If such a thing has happened, Melissa would want to be the one to tell you. I did tell you why she hasn’t been here to see you, didn’t I?” He let his cheek rest on Helen’s fuzzy head.
“Her mom was sick. I know she’d have been here otherwise.” I wasn’t the only one suffering. It would do me good to remember that.
“I flew up to Amarillo to see her one weekend, and came right back. She got home last night. She’s anxious to see you, and calls me for updates every day.”
I smiled. I’d probably missed a lot of calls. They’d taken the phone out of my room because of desperate reporters wanting a statement from me about what happened. Scott finally gave them a statement on my behalf, but they still kept calling. He didn’t know the details, so he must have just given them an overview. I hadn’t shared it with anyone but Michele. That was a hard session, but she was right. Saying it out loud had helped. Some.
David handed Helen to Mom, and then picked up Paul. He snuggled him for a bit, and then handed him to Toppy.
“All right, Bailey. You can go home today. I need to hear you say you’ll take it easy, let your folks help you with the babies, and continue meeting with Michele once a week.”
Music to my ears. “You bet!”
“One of the nurses will come in with your paperwork, and information about follow-up appointments. I’m happy to send you home with no medications. I know you want to nurse those babies.” He gave me a hug, and then Mom, and shook Toppy’s hand.
They’d both been so quiet. They were probably worried. Surely they’d like to get their life back since I was going home.
“I’ll be dressed in a few,” I said.
Mom grabbed my hand as I passed, her eyes shining with tears. “I’m so glad you’re going home. Everything will be all right.”
I hugged her, and then did the same to Toppy, whose red face and quivering bottom lip betrayed his usual calm. “Yes, I’ll do my best.”
Michele had suggested that I not borrow trouble and stress by speculation on what the future held. The sad memories that haunted me would not get in my way. That was the plan. As soon as I felt ready, I’d tell them all about it, and then put it behind us.
“Bailey, I have some news about Brenna,” David said.
Finally, someone not afraid to say her name in my presence. Had she taken a turn for the worse?
“An anonymous donor made it possible for her to have the experimental treatment. She’s responding quite well.”
“That’s good news. Do you think she might be able to leave the hospital soon?”
“Too soon to tell yet, but I just thought you’d like to know she’s improving.” He smiled warmly, then left the room.
I slipped into the bathroom and dressed. I wondered if I could handle a nearly teenaged girl living with us to secure her future. One of the babies begin to cry. I opened the door an inch. “I’ll feed them, just hold on a minute.” A few minutes later I nursed Paul. Helen still slept.
Toppy had slipped out again to give me privacy.
“I hear there’s good news,” Scott said, walking into the room.
“Yes, as soon as I sign the paperwork, I’m outta here, and, well, David says Brenna is improving,” I said, lifting my face for a kiss.
He kissed me quick and then rubbed his hands together. “David just told me in the hall. I’ll see if I can hurry that paperwork up.” He bounded out just as quickly.
A few minutes later all systems were go. The nurse wheeled me to the elevator. I held Helen, and another nurse accompanied carrying Paul. Scott, Mom, and Toppy followed behind. I was going home.
“Excuse me, Mrs. West?”
I stood and turned to find another nurse running toward me.
“Before you leave, one of the patients upstairs is asking for you. Brenna Brown.”
18
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Bailey. Not yet.” Scott took my hand and nudged me toward the car.
“Probably not, Scott, but she’s just a little girl. A very sick little girl, and I’m all she has.” I pulled away from him, but didn’t step away.
“Bailey, she thinks you’re some kind of savior for her. I don’t know if it’s good for either of you just now. Besides, she’s taking a new chemo. Let’s let her adjust and then we’ll come and see her.”
“Put yourself in my place, Scott, or better yet, in hers.” I laid my hand on his chest and searched his eyes.
“I have. All right, I understand. But I’m coming with you.”
Mom’s pained expression hurt me. I’d piled more worry on her.
“You know what, we’ll take the babies home in our car. You and Scott can come home when you’re ready. You may have things to discuss after your visit with Brenna. They’ll be fine,” Toppy said.
Mom just nodded.
I tried not to feel as if I’d abandoned my children again. “We won’t be long.” I kissed my babies and headed back inside the hospital. Scott held my hand.
A few minutes later we were up on the seventh floor. Brenna sat on the side of her bed with more color in her cheeks than the other two times I’d seen her.
She motioned us in the room through the glass window. “Hi! So you’re going home?”
“Yes, how’d you know?’ I sat down in the chair next to her bed.
Scott stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders.
“I sneaked down there again, but you were gone. I begged the nurse to ask you to come and see me.” She swung her legs on the side of the bed.
“Well, here I am. I’m Bailey, and this is my husband, Scott.” What else was I supposed to say?
“Did you know my granny died?”
“I heard. I’m so sorry.” I leaned forward and placed my hand on her leg. She put her hand on top of mine.
“Why did Granny say you would save me?”
“How do you know she was talking about me?” I squeezed her hand and then let it go.
“I followed her down to your room one day over a week ago, the day before she died. That night she said a girl who looked like me would save me. I think we look alike, don’t you?”
“Same eyes, same hair,” Scott said.
“Yes, we do,” I said. I didn’t think I’d ever been that pale.
“I just thought you might know what she was talking about. She’d been talking really funny for months anyway. Maybe she didn’t mean it. I miss her.”
I stood up and put my arms around her. “Of course you do, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
She cried for a few minutes.
Scott brought her a tissue.
“The doctors say I can leave the hospital soon, if I keep getting better, but they have to find someone in Social Services who will take a sick girl. I hope they’re nice.”
The decision was made without a word. I didn’t know how or how long it would take, but my sister was coming home with me. Maybe Michele would know what to do. It would be cruel to tell Brenna that now. She didn’t even know we were sisters. If we could swing whatever red tape was necessary, then I’d tell her somehow.
Scott squeezed my hand. Our hearts were melding again. I knew he’d agree with me.
“Would it be all right if we visited you again?” I asked.
Scott nodded.
“Oh, would you, please? But if they send me to a home, how will you find me?”
How would I find her? Good question.
“I think we’ll find you, don’t worry,” Scott said. “You know, Bailey’s just had twins. We need to get her home so she can take care of them. We’ll see you again, soon.” He looked at me and smiled. “I’m sure of it.”
“Ooo! I love babies. I hope I get to see them sometime. Will you bring them when you come?” “That’s probably a good idea. They’ll need to get out once in a while.” I held both her hands in mine. “You just take care of yourself, and I’ll see you again.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I let go of her hands.
Scott and I headed for the door.
“Mrs. West?”
“Yes?” I turned.
“Are you my sister?”
19
“Why do we have to go through Social Services? It’s easy to prove we’re blood sisters. I’m family, she should be with me.” I willed my voice to be calm. I’d asked David to sign papers saying he thought I could handle taking care of Brenna.
“It’s their case, and they have to prove you’re in condition to be her guardian. And frankly, I’m not sure you’re ready to take this on. Miraculously, she’s improving, but will still need a lot of care,” David said.
“Bailey has a lot of help, Doc.” Scott’s attempt to support me warmed my heart, but I knew he was skeptical as well.
“It’s the right thing to do.” I couldn’t understand why truth couldn’t trump the circumstances.
“What does Michele think?” David asked.
“She’s expressed the same concerns, but she thinks I can handle it,” I said. “You can check her report. She said she’d recommend to whatever authority that I’m fit to take Brenna home.”
“You know that bunch out on Exit 477. They’ll be falling all over themselves trying to help. I’ll make sure Bailey doesn’t overdo it,” Scott said.
“I’m sure you will, it’s just that it could be very emotionally difficult.” David clicked his ball point pen a few times.
Brenna might die. They were afraid it would do me in.
David looked from me to Scott, and back to me. “I agree. It’s the right thing to do, but it’s the timing that makes me hesitate.”
“Time is what we may be short on, David. I know what I might be facing. But I have faith that God will help us.” I ground the tissue in my hands into shreds.
He pressed his lips together and nodded. He clicked the pen into place and signed the papers.
“Doc, I’ve been meaning to ask. That donor for Brenna’s treatment. It’s not a distant family member or something, someone who would want to have custody of her?” Scott asked.
David cleared his throat and looked down. “No strings.”
Scott’s mouth dropped open. “David, you didn’t,” he began.
“Didn’t what? You two better get home.” He stood and walked to his door, a red flush rushing up his neck.
A lightness settled over my heart. I allowed myself a deep cleansing breath. The suspense of the previous few moments washed away. I’d try to enjoy that moment before I let the next step with social services make me anxious. It was a waiting game.
Scott and David stood and shook hands. Scott wouldn’t let go, then shook his head.
Realization dawned on me. I stood. “David, you? That donor was you?”
“What are you talking about, y’all get out of here.” He opened the door, and pulled at his collar.
An unspoken bond and promise formed. He didn’t want it known, and we’d never mention it again. But gratitude and agape love filled my heart.
Scott’s voice shook. “I’ll get Bailey home. I know time is crucial right now, but I personally hope there’s a few days before Brenna comes home. I want Bailey to rest and settle in with the babies.”
“I’m right here, you know that, right?” I play-socked Scott on the shoulder.
“I was talking to David,” he said, rubbing his shoulder as if I’d really hurt him.
“Yes, as though I’m not even in the room,” I said. I guess I’d checked out emotionally so often lately that he was used to talking above my head.
“Oh, come on. Let’s go. I know you want to see Brenna before we leave,” he said.
David gave me a hug. “Melissa and I are praying for you. You call us if you need anything. And keep those follow-up appointments,” he said.
“Yes, sir,” I said, saluting. “You better bring Melissa out to see me as soon as she gets rested up.”
“I will.”
Scott was silent on the short walk to the elevator and then the ride to the seventh floor. I’d sure brought a lot of chaos into his life.
“I guess you’re anxious to get back to work,” I said.
“Not so much, really. The Pearson boys practically run the washout by themselves. Mandy and Macy keep the diner going, and Toppy keeps tabs on them. Phoebe has been a godsend at the diner as well, although she’s distracted by Pastor Jack,” he said, with a quirky grin.
“What would we do without all those dear, sweet people?” The debt
of gratitude I owed them all could never be repaid.
“Tracy is anxious for Barkley House to open. At least she has school to keep her busy.”
“I know, we’ve got to have the Dedication. There are guests scheduled to arrive in a few weeks. I guess we can go ahead with that, even if we haven’t had the ceremony,” I said.
“One thing at a time,” he said. “Hey, that reminds me. What do you think of Javier?”
I grinned. My secret talks with Tracy about her crush on Javier Calderon were just that. Secret. I gave him a ‘mind your own business’ wink.
The elevator doors opened just in time.
Brenna sat in a chair reading a book. She wasn’t connected to anything, and was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Except for her pale skin, bruises from IV lines, and dark circles under her eyes, she looked almost normal.
The last time I saw her, she’d asked if I was her sister. I couldn’t bring myself to answer her. I had no idea what to say if she asked me again. “Hey, sweetie. What are you reading?” I sat in the chair next to her, and Scott sat on the edge of her bed.
“Oh, my favorite. Anne of Green Gables. She’s an orphan, just like me.” She closed the book and let it fall into her lap.
A lump rose in my throat. Michele had suggested I tell her we were sisters. I couldn’t bring myself to do that if they didn’t let me take her home. “I love that book, Brenna. Have you seen the movies?”
“No, Granny didn’t let me watch much TV or movies. We didn’t have anything to play them on, anyway.”
Not watching too much television was a good thing. But was that a moral choice, or had they been too poor?
“I always wanted to live in a place like Prince Edward Island, where there were lots of trees, running little brooks, and the ocean.” East Texas actually has all that, even the ocean in the south, but somehow not like Lucy Maud Montgomery’s Prince Edward Island.
“Me too. I want to go there sometime. Maybe when I grow up,” Brenna said, with a wistful look in her eye.
Brenna had thought about growing up. That was a good thing. Oh, Lord, please don’t cut this child’s life short. Suddenly I realized how much I needed her, more than she needed me. A sister. Something good to make up for all the years of rejection by our father. Something that overcame the nightmare.